Open letter.

 

That night she came into the room and spoke with tears, "Why should you feel this pain. Why should you feel the bitterness of life? Why should we be constantly in trouble?"

My tears fell, but were held back. 

What can I do? I just believe that destiny has been set by the almighty. Am I tired? Am I going to give up? I was so tired, I wanted to give up.

My mother felt guilty that I was living like no other child. Since I was a child, I didn't feel a father's love. I only live with my grandmother and grandfather, he says I'm smart but the family can't support my dreams. I'm smart, and talented but all of that is just buried in my parents' regrets. I could do anything but cry hearing it all.

She said she was eager to see me succeed, she was upset with her, and her fate. That's why I can't feel college. I have had to work and fight for my life since graduating from school.

After I felt another bitterness, I lost both people I loved all my life. The lamp of my life, my grandmother and grandfather. Am I capable? Anxiety came to me, and almost killed my soul.

I got up. I tried, no matter how hard my heart and body I finally hugged myself while crying.

My long-lost father came with doubts. He was also embarrassed. It comes with empty hands and severe problems. He felt I was a poor girl. Unable to realize her dreams, burying all the dreams desired due to the incompetence of parents.

Everyone says my life is full of drama, endless drama, life full of problems, am I on the right path? I think it's real life. I'm being given a picture of the charade of life.

I want to be a doctor, I want to live and study abroad, I want to be a great writer and painter, I want to explore the world, I want to live in a village with stable finances, I want to build a free school in the countryside and I teach there, I participate in all social activities everywhere, I want to be a speaker of tedxtalks, I want to inspire everyone, and benefit everyone. Since childhood my desires were many, my dreams were not buried. 

I just kept it in the place it was, and I was determined to make it all happen myself. With me, and god almighty. I believe the flowers bloom in time. Now that I have a long time, God has not yet given me to bloom. Maybe in front, maybe later, I don't want to guess, let the Universe go according to its destiny.

Mom, dad, grandpa, & grandma.

Please, relax, I'm not giving up.

I'm tired, yeah tired, and i want to take a break. Don't worry, I'm strong. This child knows where to go, complaining to the Almighty. I'm not going to lose control, and get off track. Hopefully, because every time there is a difficulty there must be ease. I try to be sincere, patient, and learn all this. 

We live to survive, to fight, may the efforts and prayers that are always offered bear fruit.

Don't worry, this stubborn girl is strong. It's so strong. Sorry, if it worries, it's troublesome. My life is really special, so grateful to have been born into me. 🖤✨